Heya!Welcome to The Back End! Now officially the front end! Sorry for the rough HTML. Started learning at the beginning of 2025 and currently don't feel like fixing the mistakes when I could just build on top of them (definitely not representative of my life)! Feel free to have a look around, hope you enjoy! |
|
Main Menu |
My Brain Right Now |
|
aa 
|
Interests... |
Music |
My Stuff |
Or, click here to jump to my recs! | Or here for my physical collection. |
N I C T A T EAugust 1st, 2023Nictate was the first "real" music project I was apart of, and I'm very happy with how it turned out. I wanted to write it over the course of a summer and have it out before it was over, and while there's a few tracks that could've used more work, I'm pretty happy with it. I hope I can studio record it someday, but for now this home demo will have to do. Most of the tracks are without drums, leaving most of the percussive work to be done by string snap and marracas. Most of the guitar is done on either my electric Peavey bass or this real dry acoustic bass I have. Main pedal I used was the Mattoverse Airtrash. All recording, mixing, and "mastering" was done in Audacity. Vocals by Caius.
|
|
Demo Disk #1May 6th, 2023The first, and currently only, double single from Caius. This was another "out of my shell" project. I don't know if Strings was about anything. Revelry was about a summer camping trip with some friends. Not much else to say other then I had it cut to vinyl by a local guy for release... probably still have a couple around. The ones I gave to record stores never sold.
|
|
Demo Disk #2 (The Lost Disk)January 30th 2025Couple songs written sometime in 2024. All Sides was probably written shortly after Nictate, I think it was my attempt at a Jung inspired song or something. Dissassociate was written a decent bit later, but I'd been sitting on that simple riff for who knows how long. I like Dissassociate a lot. I think Caius thought we'd re-record them both sometime to sound better... don't know when that's going to happen. Decided it ought to be posted somewhere. The bandcamps obviously not getting any traction, may as well put it here.
|
My Faves! |
Transmissions ~ StarsetJuly 8th, 2014Do you have a song, an artist, or an album that you remember kind of kick starting your love of music? This is mine! Don't get me wrong, I've loved music since I was tiny, but this was the first time I really remember soaking in an album and thinking My friend (and current roommate) showed me Starset less then a month after it came out. We were on a camping trip in The Black Hills when he asked for the aux. This album became out soundtrack for that summer, and to an extent it has remained so for the ones that came after. I believe they've improved since their My Demons days, but I can't help but feel nostalgia whenever I put this one on. I'm also a big fan of the singers old project Downplay, and his side project MNQN. Dudes super talented, creative, smart, and hot! Favorite tracks are Halo and Carnivore! text to center this image cuz lol |
|
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness ~ The Smashing PumpkinsOctober 23rd, 1995When I first listened to Mellon Collie all the way through in 2021, I felt like I finally found a band that encapsulated all I wanted to do with my art. Heavy, soft, emotional, weird, and pure creativity on every track of this TWENTY-EIGHT SONG epic! Listening to Mellon Collie feels like listening to a band that didn't care about labels or what's expected of them, and if one day I could make an album as eclectic yet cohesive and successful as theirs, I'd have done more then I ever would've expected too in my lifetime. Pretty much all their early albums are especially great. Siamese Dream, Adore, Machina are all amazing albums as well. Their outtakes from that period are great too! If you like this stuff a lot, their new album Aghori Mori Mei is def worth a listen! Favorite track's probably Muzzle, but Tonight Tonight and Jellybelly come in close behind. Honestly though, if you have the time, try and listen to the whole thing in one sitting. You never know when an album will change you life. :) |
|
Ride the Lightning ~ MetallicaJuly 27th, 1984My first "favorite album"! I grew up listening to my Dad play Fight Fire With Fire, Fade to Black, and For Whom The Bell Tolls when he finally got an iPhone around 2010. I remember not feeling any particular way about Metallica when I heard it back then. I didn't think they were bad OR good for a long time. One day I kind of just realized I liked them! I was listening to them long enough ago I sometimes have a hard time listening to their stuff critically, but whenever I do I'm reminded about how awesome this album is. From it's memorable riffs, technicality, and atmospheric production, I'll always fight for Ride the Lightning as the best Metallica album! Favorite track on the record (and my favorite song for years!) is easily Fade to Black. I love songs that take you on a journey. Of course For Whom The Bell Tolls is pretty great too. Pretty much every song is worth a listen though... and it's a lot shorter then Mellon Collie! |
|
All Lights Off ~ Rearview MirrorJune 4th, 2002From the now disbanded Lillywhite label Gobstopper, comes the greatest 2000's rock band to never be! I came across this CD at Black Hills Vinyl for probably about five bucks. It's gotten harder now that the 2000's are cool again, but I used to like popping into record stores, and perusing the used CD section. You used to find lots of big albums as well as undiscovered gems there for super cheap before the Zoomers realized their childhood was cool and started clearing house on the good stuff! Anyways, something called me to All Lights Out enigmatic cover and fun artbook, and for five dollars I'm not at all dissappointed with my purchase. It became my go to summer album, especially for roadtrips and hanging out with friends. I've now gone on to enjoy ALL of Rearviews indie releases, as well as the side-project Objective Subject, the guitarists solo project Brahmin Shaman, and the guitarists pedal company 'Mattoverse'! If you like alt-rock/post-grunge you CANNOT miss out on this album! Favorite track has to be City Walls, but In the Beginning and Thank You are great ways to start and end an album. Above all, through learning about their story, Rearview has taught me that following your dreams is all that matters. It doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, it just matters that you never give up focusing on what makes you happy. |
|
Fantastic Planet ~ FailureAugust 13th, 1996Move over White Pony, move over Lateralus, hell, move over OK Computer. You wanna hear truly great modern production? Look no further then Ken Andrews and his band Failure. Steve Albini's work on their first album Comfort might be dark and raw, but the meticulous layered beauty of Magnified and Fatastic Planet specifically cannot be overstated. You really know you're in for something special by the end of Sargeant Politeness with that sparkly audio explosion. This album (especially the last three tracks) feel like a beautiful out of body high, astral projecting you to a dark and dreamy place in distant space... If you like alt-rock, or have a taste for music that just kisses the more avant-garde corners of music, this albums a must. A full listen is deserved, but if you must pick one track, The Nurse Who Loved Me is the best look at what the band's capable of. |
|
Physical Collection |
CD's... Vinyls... Cassette Tapes...
|
|
Vidya |
Uhhhhhhh...I always thought videogame pages were cool as a kid. Now that I'm making my own though... I don't really know what to put here lol! To keep this at least somewhat interesting, it'll probably mostly be minecraft builds. If there's any other interesting screenshots or game stories, I'll make sure to put them here! |
|
Favorite Games and Series!
|
Minecraft |
Beta 1.7.3!I'm a very nostalgic person, and frankly that's probably the main reason I'm still playing video games these days. I rarely get excited for new releases, so I tend to just play my old favorites. I remember being hyped about Minecraft around 2011 when it went to 1.0, but I didn't get to play it for myself till it came out on Xbox! The Xbox version was essentially Beta all over again, so I have a lot of nostalgia for the earlier versions of the game. Beta in particular really clicked with me, as 1.7 feels like the most barebones you can make the game while still giving it all the charm of what Minecraft used to be. It was a little frustrating at first not being able to do as many build tricks with stairs and no colored planks of any kind, but it adds a new challenge to make your builds interesting despite the really small block palette! I've been playing on this world since I got in a car accident and out from work in January-March of 2024. It's also what convinced me to dip my toes back into "art" for the first time in a long time! I've put a ton of time into this world and, if anything game related ought to be put on my site, this world deserves a showcase. Feel free to hover over the images for a short descriptor and, if you'd like to explore my world, click the the image below this text to download the map! Be warned however, there are a couple less-then-sfw builds in the world lol. 
|
|
Elder Scrolls |
Sits-On-Spears (The Early Years/4E 50-71) [Oblivion]The beginning of my favorite Elder Scrolls OC's journey! Sits-On-Spears, born year fifty of the Fourth Era, is an Argonian raised in Water's Edge Cyrodiil. His parents, once house keepers in The Imperial Palace, moved there after a guard framed his grandparents for stealing an Elder Scroll. He knew from a young age he wanted adventure, but what hatchling doesn't? Growing up around mages from The College of Whispers made him have an interest in magic at a very young age. He taught himself some basic spells in his teens, but didn't have the money or skills necessary to join. His parents both died mysterious deaths shortly after, and with little money to be made in Water's Edge, moved to The Imperial City. After looking for a job, then begging/thieving on the streets for a year or two, he was invited by a large Cathay-raht Khajiit to work at Ysabel's House of Exotic Pleasures. Spears was hired quickly, both as the only Argonian, but also being able to work a large variety of clientele. Do'Bakha, a body guard at Ysabel's, became fast friends with Spears and the pair would frequently bar crawl across the city with their weekly earnings. This never stopped Sits-On-Spears childhood dreams however, and in the sixty-ninth year purchased a set of cheap armor, a decent dagger, and a number of healing potions before skulking about in the sewers and caves of the Imperial Isles. Here he slowly gained some additional adventuring skills in between night shifts at Ysabel's and, after running into the wrong people on a weekend bar crawl, ended up being invited to join The Thieves Guild. Seeing them as a mostly noble group helping the lower classes, as well as a more exciting way to use the skills he acquired through the last few years of his life, he joined without much hesitation and began doing jobs in the Imperial City as well as the rest of Cyrodiil. Throughout his exploits, he met many important people who would later help him move on to the next stages of his life. Debatably the most influential of these was the Master Alchemist Sinderion who, after being sent to steal some of his rare wines, allowed Sits-On-Spears to become his apprentice. Spears would visit Skingrad from time to time with wild samples of nirnroot, and would take notes and lessons from the alchemist. While Alchemy had never been something Spears had taken much study time too, it quickly became his greatest skill. During this time, a number of the Argonian's freelance vampire killings lead to an invitation to join The Order of The Virtuous Blood, which he and Do'Bakha accepted graciously. In between thief jobs, Spears slowly became known publically as a magically talented nightblade, skilled in using many of the same tactics vampires used against their prey. Privately however, he continued to rise the ranks of the Thieves Guild, and amassed a small fortune that was slowly siphoned to him into the early seventh decade of the Fourth Era. Some of this money was used to purchase an ex-haunted house in Anvil, and he used what little magical equipment remained from those days to further his studies in the arcane arts, and wrote an entry exam to The Arcane University. He was accepted in year seventy-one's Sun's Dawn, and he finally had access to the knowledge he needed to continue his studies. |
|
Sits-On-Spears (Voluntary Skyrim Exile/4E 71-) [Skyrim]Spears couldn't enjoy the fruits of his labor for long however. After some initial studies, a rank initiation involving an invocation of Azura, the mage couldn't seem to make a decision on what facet of the arcane he wished to study. He was decent at mysticism, but with the restructuring of the spells within the school it felt like a poor choice. He'd become particularly talented with illusion as well, but wasn't quite sure what within that realm was worth study. Alchemy was the easy choice, but the only thing that had kept his interest was the nirnroot, and he didn't want to be in the shadow of his master forever. Coincidentally, it was around this time that Sinderion had dissappeared off into the cold of Skyrim to further study the nirnroot, and track down a lead reguarding samples of particular interest. After an extended period of time without communication from him, Spears wrote a speech titled "Another Nirnroot Missive" requesting funding and approval to travel to Skyrim, both to further study the nirnroot and track down Sinderion. Both The Arcane University and the Alchemical Symposium declined support, still believing the nirnroot to be simply an aging Altmers obsession, but a small stipend and help sneaking into the the northern province was provided by the Tamriel Botanical Society to search for their lost godfather. The journey did not go as planned however, and shortly after getting lost in the mountains north of Bruma, were aprehended by Nordic guards. Due to a recent number of attacks from Forsworn, as well as continued issues with aging Mythic Dawn Cultists that fled to Skyrim, the guards deemed it good enough to place Sits-On-Spears and his small travelling party under arrest. Everything of their was taken, and they were held in the Falkreath dungeons wet-cell for weeks in the swelter of the summer. Spears human compatriots perished from the ordeal, and much of his training from the past was forgotten in the monotony of the small hot cell. Strangely, the Argonian was suddenly transferred very quickly to Helgen, then to Riften. His new cellmate, a Nord with shifty eyes, helped him escape shortly after; but there was catch. The Nord was actually a member of Skyrim's Thieves Guild, and upon hearing a former member was imprisoned in the province, the guildmaster pulled the appropriate strings to get him out. Spears did a few jobs across the east of Skyrim, but learned quickly the guild was very different there then in Cyrodiil. They seemed to have no interest in helping the poor of the province, and much preferred to do the dirty deeds of nobles and other high bidders to line their pockets. Knowing it would likely be difficult to leave the Skyrim Thieves Guild, the former thief continued doing jobs and using most of the pay for information on where Sinderion may have gone. After a large job went wrong, and throats were cut, Spears decided to escape in the chaos with the gold to where he believed Sinderion was most likely to be. Far to the north, The College of Winterhold would be an excellent place to lay low, and hopefully find his former master. It was difficult to convince the Arch-Mage to let someone from The Arcane University in, but upon hearing of Sits-On-Spears connection to Sinderion, an honorary membership was gifted to the Argonian. There he learned that Sinderion did visit, following up on his own leads on nirnroot, as well as collecting whatever knowledge might be available on for his studies. The trail seemed to go cold, however, when it turned out the elf hadn't checked out any of the books he researched while there. Defeated and unsure where to go from there, Sits-On-Spears was approached by a Dunmer woman while drinking at The Frozen Hearth bar. She was a priestess of Azura, and she apparently had a vision to seek out a travelling Argonian in Winterhold. She lead him to a massive shrine to Azura nearby, and upon touching the altar, heard the voice of the Daedric prince herself. "Greeting mortal. You've served me before, and you shall serve me again. I believe you are in need of me.
Spears returned to the college once again and hit the books. Through his studies he began to believe the riddle had something to do with Dwemer ruins, and after taking a few notes on the larger cities, made the long journey to Markarth to ask scholars there. Leading scholar Calcelmo hadn't visited many ruins besides those under Markarth, but gave Spears a sizeable ammount of research notes and access to his museum for any notable artifacts he came across while searching. While in Markarth, Spears ended up sleeping with a Reachman named |
Digital Diary |
2/1/2025I'm living, I'm here, and I just want takoyaki... |
2/3/2025Why am I so slow with everything??? I've been writing html script for this stupid site for the last four hours or so and all I did was create that section for my Beta Minecraft world! I still need to make dinner before my partner gets home!!!... scallop and clam chowder is going to be awesome though... I also still need to exersize and shower and ughhhhhhhh. At least I was pretty productive today. Started a batch of Honningbrew Mead which should be ready by this Friday, and it'll be fun to have some Bee and Barb cocktails after all these years. I wish I could feel like this everyday. Moody as always, and enough so that I can channel that angst into something creative, but not so much that I lose motivation and rot.Last few days weren't great, but today was good... I wonder when I'm gonna get anything done on the "main" site... |
2/5/2025
HOLY SNOW! Got really cold the last day or two. -2 I think? Snows chilling out now (sadly) and the blue skies coming out (sadly). Hopefully it starts back up again in a day or two.
Looking forward to Friday. Might be having a friend visit to work on a certain Shrek related movie. On top of that, The mead should be done and that'll be fun to drink. I need semi-frequent party nights to keep me going. It just occurred to me how odd of a collection the books I'm reading are. Thought they'd be funny to share.
|
2/12/2025Mead was good, making a Cliff-Racer cocktail was fun too. Waiting for Friday again. Valentines day should be fun. My girlfriend and I are going out to eat somewhere and I'll use the visa giftcard I've been saving. Sushi sounds good, I'm gonna try not to go overboard with drinks on V-Day for her sake but Thursday and Saturday night is calling me. Losing that momentum I had the last... wow it's only been a week??? I feel like I've done so much the last week... the down seasons have been short but frequent I suppose. I just want to be at Keys Fisheries right now. Fried Mahi sandwich, stone crab chowder, the smell of cigar and the sea in the air. I don't even like the sun that much but God I could use some vitamin D. |
2/16/2025Valentines day was nice. We went out to eat at a nearby sushi place and I had my usual of two spicy tuna handrolls to save on cost... still wish they sold takoyaki tho. Still been having a hard time these last few days. I'm going to start looking for a job, hopefully one that I only have to come in two or three times a week. I need the money, but I seriously don't think I can handle anymore life. On a scary note, I think my wisdom teeth might be trying to come in. My teeth have been feeling closer and closer together the last few months, and last night my gums got sore a way I'd never felt before. I have the insurance that I'll be mostly fine financially, but I really don't feel like having anything go wrong. I swear, the last year or so has been me teetering on the edge of sanity. The last few months have helped in some ways but the financial strain is obviously taking its toll on me. My acnes been worse then it's been in forever these last few months. I've even been trying me best to take care of myself during this time, but as usual the results are inconsequential. Not sure why I try. Hope anyone reading this is having a better time then I am '^^ |
2/24/2025If you could describe the last couple months of my life as famine, the last week has been pestilence. Perhaps not the most true horsemen, but a rather difficult one nonetheless. Went back for my brothers birthday over the weekend. Went skiing for a bit before he got sick and we had to go home. Then my girlfriends whole family got a bad case of the flu... that I picked up shortly after. My stomach issues are over now, but my body got so weak it's still recovering now. My girlfriend picked it up late... I've been doing my best to help but she's having a rough go of it. Hopefully it'll all be over soon. I'd best be back to work. The vacations we planned last year aren't going to pay themselves... |
2/27/2025Shrek 5. Incoming 2026 B) |
3/10/2025Job huntings been going slower then I hoped. I've applied to a few good places, but I've been ghosted by one, not chosen by another, and have called another one back about four times and still haven't been able to speak to the HR department. When I looked for more opportunities the last few days, all the other good looking ones dissappeared off the website. If I want to apply for anything else now, it's gonna have to be for fast-food or retail, and I'd really like to get a decent job this time around. On another note, I wrote up a little Elder Scrolls story under the character of Sits-On-Spears! I def need to get back into the swing of writing, but I'm not doing tooooooooooooo bad. I also wrote up a little creepypasta thing too about Morrowind. I'll probably continue it at some point, but I'd like to write another Elder Scrolls story or get inspired in some way. Maybe something to the way Morrowind's shadows creepily appear on the other sides of wall... something visual to make it more believable.
>Mood: Low Just been drained lately. Need a job to pay off the Norway trip I promised to do with my Mom. Don't really have the energy to do it, or anything else for that matter. Even struggling to practice the new songs my band's covering... that's how I know it's bad. Also need money for alcohol. Gonna suck having to drink in moderation Friday since I don't have enough to go overboard lol... |
3/14/2025Only got three hours of sleep so that sucks... on The Day That Krabs Fries no less! I knew I should've played it safe and skipped the Midori Magpie I drank but I really thought I'd be fine... especially with melatonin. Don't even think I'll have time to crash for a nap today... gonna be pretty busy. No luck with jobs yet. Keep getting ghosted by any of the ones worth applying for. I really don't want to bite the bullet but I think I see retail/food service continuing in my future... |
3/25/2025I knew spring started today when I woke up sweating in my comforter and, upon parting the curtains, I was greeted by a jumping spider. It's nice to see the sun I suppose. Having an interview today. Here's hoping I don't have a mental breakdown after again. Seems like a decent place as a cook at a fancy old-folks home. I know how those places tend to be though so I'll be keeping an eye and an ear open for anything weird. I applied to a couple other places, but none of them got back to me even after phone calls, so it's either the old-folks home or Walmart... not really what I wanted but I'm going broke over here. >Mood: Mid |
4/9/2025Still no job. Old folks home said I was hired, then when I called about when to come in for orientation, said they "changed their mind". Have plane tickets to visit my family in Florida in a week or two, I'll put in applications but no point in working till I get back I guess. Everywhere in towns laying people off anyways. I don't know what's happening. My girlfriend has always told me that a lot of my bad luck is partially caused by me not taking a few extra steps of precaution. That people like us need to put in that extra work because we can't do the minimum like most people seem to. I know she's right, but I barely have the strength to do much of anything anymore. Haven't ate much the last week, so rewarding myself with a day of day drinking. I'll be honest, the last year of my life, I've just been waiting for an excuse to die. I guess that's kind of what my life has been since high school. Nothings really pushed me over the edge though. I may have attempted a few times, but always the kind of attempt that was like "well, if it works out it works out, but if it doesn't there can always be a next time." Don't know. I always say I want to join the 27 club, but some days I wonder if I'll even make it that far. |
